Level 1: Not horribly tragic, but sad. Simply Vanilla, 2 scoops.
Level 2: Both Sad and Tragic.
Vanilla Heathbar Crunch, 3 scoops
Level 3: I weep for you.
Half-Baked Original, 4 scoops
Level 4: Fuck it. Give up.
New York Super Fudge Chunk and a spoon
Level 5: You no longer want to live.
2 pints of Chubby Hubby, screw the spoon.