Me: No. Why? Did Dad fire him again?
Mom: No. He got a new job.
Me: Good for him. I told them both that working together was a bad idea. He and Dad were just about ready to kill each other.
Mom: And it would have been so peaceful around here with both of them gone. *Sigh* The house would stay clean, I wouldn't find miscellaneous pairs of underwear in between the couch cushions...
Me: If they both turn up dead from eating poisoned meatlof, I'll know who to point a finger at. Anyway, who hired him?
Mom: He got a job working for a federal judge.
Me: Cool. How much does that pay?
Mom: $48,000.00 a year and change.
*Silence*
Mom: Hello? Did I hang up on you again?
Me: No. Um, could you repeat that number again?
Mom: $48,000.00 a year and change.
Me: $48,000.00 a year?
Mom: And change.
Me: And change?
Mom: Yup.
Me: Shit. Life just isn't fair.
Mom: Why do you say that?
Me: Do you know how much money I make a year?
Mom: Not off the top of my head.
Me: $13,000.00 a year. If you and dad weren't helping me out, I'd be living in a cardboard box and eating squirrel.
Mom: $13,000.00? Is that it? I thought you made more. Wait, is that what you make at just one of your jobs?
Me: It's my total haul.
Mom: Geez, that's not enough to live on.
Me: Would you like some lemon juice to go with that salt you're rubbing into my festering sores?
Mom: Heh, sorry about that. Well, sweetheart, it's a good thing your father and I help you out. I'd hate to see you eating squirrel. It's probably all gamey and not nearly as good as the steak your father makes on Sundays.
Me: Lord, why do I call you? It's like I enjoy the pain you inflict.
Mom: Masochistic tendencies. I saw something about that on the Discovery Channel.
Me: So does that mean Big Al is finally going to move out of the house? Maybe get a place of his own?
Mom: Ha! I wish! He'll stay here until we have him forcibly evicted. He's such a cheap little bastard.
Me: That's bordering on pathetic. I mean, it's one thing to live with your parents because you don't have any money. It's something else when you're pulling down a sizable chunk of cash and you still rely on your mom to do your laundry.
Mom: Sad, isn't it? I have no idea how I managed to raise such a little mama's boy.
Me: One of life's great mysteries, I suppose.
