Too much information, I'm sure. (Re-reading this, I have decided that many of my problems stem from spending too much time alone. I end up doing wierd things to entertain myself.)
Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It's been 25 years (possibly more, who knows what I was up to in my past lives) since my last confession...
*Sometimes, I eat Nutella with a spoon. When the whole Kobe Bryant scandal hit and Nutella dropped him as a spokesperson, there were jars and jars of the stuff at Big Lots with his picture on them for less than half price. My cupboards were stocked for months.
* When people I don't know call my house and ask for me, I lie and say I'm not home. Once I even said I was dead.
*I really like submarine movies.
*My favorite cookie is a Double Stuf Oreo.
*I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up until I was a grown up. Before that, I wanted to be a fashion designer/rock star/forensic expert/wife of some randomly sexy guy.
*I like living alone because I can sing loudly, off-key to embarassingly popular songs, and only my upstairs neighbor knows. He keeps quiet because I know about his love of the Golden Girls.
*Also, I talk to myself. Sometimes, I magnanamously grant exclusive interviews. Please, please. Orlando and I are just friends.
*I dance while I iron. Once, during a particularly difficult rumba move, I got tangled in the iron cord and knocked it off the board; the iron narrowly missed my foot. I could have been a cripple! How can one iron-dance with only one foot?!
*When I watch Dirty Dancing alone, I try to imitate the dance moves. And I know all the lyrics to 'Hungry Eyes'.
*I stock my cupboards and fridge with health food and then eat out until it goes bad.
*Despite my feminist training, I secretly want to get married to some rich guy and do nothing but shop, go to charity balls, sleep with the cabana boy and decorate houses for the rest of my life.
*If I can't marry rich, I'd also settle for marrying a handyman because then I'd never have to fix anything ever again. And, rough hands! Please don't tell the National Organization for Women, they'll revoke my membership.
*I don't like clowns, but it's the ventriloquist dummies that really give me the willies.
*I am against gun control and for capital punishment. PLease don't tell the Democratic Party, the ACLU and Amnesty International, not only will they revoke my membership, they might also beat me up.
*I think the people from PETA are assholes. And I don't care if they do know it.
*I occasionally indulge in vicious, petty thoughts. But I don't act on them. Often.
*I'm a night owl because I don't like people.
*Probably, I'm a dozen cats away from being a cat lady/hermit.
*I own three different sets of fake boobs. One time I put them all in at once and jiggled around my apartment.
*I fill out catalog order forms just to see how the other half lives. You know, the half with money.
*My favorite kinds of catalogs are the ones for food and kitchen gadgets.
*My favorite scent for a man is Bay Rum. It's so manly!
Okay, I'm done confessing. How many hail Marys is that? A million?
