Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.


Bertrand Russell

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

Musings about mental illness


2004-02-03 at 4:14 a.m.

Read this and then get back to me.

I was diagnosed with manic depression when I was 15. I had been suffering from it for as long as I could remember (read: age 5). I finally asked for help after a nervous breakdown when I was 15, following a 6 month cycle of non-stop anxiety attacks, depression, manic mood swings and a near-suicide attempt.

I was put on Paxil. I stayed on Paxil for 4 years, until it stopped working for me. After an extremely painful withdrawl, my doctors put me on Celexa, which was absolutley horrid. I almost killed myself again.

I've been on Effexor since 2000. And I was, up until October, doing fine. But, then I suffered another attack that among other things, nearly got me kicked out of grad school.

So, let's see, 3 drugs in almost 10 years, two suicide attempts, some very, very bad side-effects, massive anxiety attacks, depression, 3 nervous breakdowns and a partridge in a pear tree. But do I think the drugs are dangerous? No ma'am. I thank God that I asked for help and got it. Because without the pills, I would be much, much worse. Hell, I might even be dead. Who knows?

The problem with mental illness is that it is still viewed with suspicion and fear. True, our society no longer tosses people into asylums to rot, nor do we approve of lobotomies as a cure-all, anymore, anyway. But what people fail to realize is that medicine is NOT, I repeat NOT a cure.

There is no cure for mental illness. I wish there was. These parents who have lost their children (and my heart does go out to them) need to understand that the drugs aren't completely at fault. They want someone or something to blame for their child's death, but in pressuring the government to impose stricter regulations, they are doing more harm than good.

Paxil, for me, saved my life. But it wasn't only the Paxil. Most mental health professionals will tell you that drugs are only a part of the process. What really saved me was a combination of drugs, therapy and support from my family and friends.

You can't say, "Well, now that she's medicated, everything's fine." It's not and it never will be. I am not cured. I will always suffer from depression and sometimes, it will exceed my ability to deal with it. The drugs will, on occasion fail me. That's when I have to fall back on my therapy and my family and friends.

Unfortunately, diagnosing and medicating mental illness is a tricky business and, more often than not, is a process of trial and error. It took me several years to find both the correct drug and the correct dosage. It's the same for most people. What you have to do is be vigilant. I had to monitor myself all the time to see if I was slipping. But you know, sometimes, when you're in the middle of it, you don't notice. That's when you need other people to look out for you, too.

I'm rambling. The article above upset me because what I saw was a knee-jerk reaction. People always need to blame someone and, in their grief, these parents might be doing real harm.

Sorry about my foray into not-so-fun-land. We now rejoin our regularly scheduled goofiness, already in progress.

Mom: So, anyway, it was really hard to squash that scorpion, what with your father screaming bloody murder and all.

Me: Well, you'd be screaming, too if a scorpion bit you in the ass.

Mom: I suppose. But honestly, I never knew your father had such a high-pitched, girly scream.


Currents...

Currently Reading...

'Reaganism & the death of representative democracy' by Walter Williams. I've been feeling militant lately. Go Kerry or Dean or whoever! ANYONE! I WOULD SUPPORT ANYONE OVER BUSH! Except maybe Satan, because that's kinda the same thing.

Currently Hearing...

Inuyasha OST

Currently NOT Caring About...

* The demise of Bennifer

* Britney Spears

* Janet Jackson's boob

* Michael Jackson's pervo-tendencies

* Tito Jackson, just because he's named Tito and that makes me think of Yugoslavia. Because I'm a dork.

* The end of Friends

* American Idol

* Clay Aiken because he's creepy and when I think about him, I get the willies.

I Know You're Wondering...

"Okay, Gem-chan, if you don't care about these things, then how is it that you KNOW about them in the first place?"

Because, every week I have to put People Magazine into the system at the library and I can't help but read bits of it. And, while reading it, I always think to myself, "Wow, I don't care about this."

And I'm Wondering...

Did anyone get the Tito reference? Anyone?



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