I politely explained to the person that I was not interested, and that I am not currently seeking answers or redemption. She then informed me that I was going to hell, which I thought was interesting.
I live my life according to my own set of ethics and morals, many of them not unlike those of fundamentalist Christians, or at least what they're supposed to be.
I am kind to people, even strangers. I don't drink or smoke or do drugs (But I'm not an asshole about it. Frankly, I don't care if other people do.)I respect my parents, I've never murdered anyone or had an adulterous affair or coveted my neighbor's ass. I don't worship false idols (I don't worship anything)nor am I particularly greedy. I occasionally get full of myself, but my friends and family always make sure that doesn't last long, and maybe I ocassionaly eat an entire box of cheese nips in one sitting, but that hardly makes me a glutton.
Yet, despite all of that, I am going to hell.
My housemate's father had an affair with his secretary, of all the cliched things, tore his family apart, humiliated them, abandoned them for a while to marry his mistress while his ex-wife struggled to put food on the table and keep the heat on, caused his children some pretty bad emotional problems, and is a self-absorbed prick to boot, but he's going to heaven because he's 'saved'. Do you want to know what he did for a living while he was cheating on his wife? He was a minister. I'M going to hell. Right.
Well shit. Why have I been holding back all this time? Apparently I'm damned anyway. Well, I'm gonna let it all hang out now. Next time you hear from me, I'll be riding my neighbor's ass down the street, eating an industrial sized box of Cheese Nips while ignoring the little old lady who needs help crossing the street, flipping off school children, worshipping a golden statue of Matthew McConaghey (but thinking lustful thoughts about Orlando Bloom)and telling everyone how my parents are assholes, but I am the smartest woman alive.
Hiya Satan, how are you doing?
