Mom: It's Easter?
Me: Well, tomorrow.
Mom: Oh. I wondered why your father bought a ham.
Me: Geez, Mom, you're worse than me!
Mom: Yeah? When did you realize Easter was coming?
Me: Last Tuesday.
Mom: Do you think we're going to hell?
Me: Only if the Catholics are right. Maybe we should go see that Mel Gibson movie to repent.
Mom: I sincerely doubt that Mel Gibson is the key to salvation.
Me: You USED to think so.
Mom: That was before he got all wierd.
Me: You know, his father said that there was no Holocaust.
Mom: You're kidding! What did he think happened to all those people who died?
Me: According to him, they're all living in California and New York and monopolzing the movie and finance industries.
Mom: .:snort:. Right. Well, at least he gets points for originality. Creepy, psychotic orginiality. Speaking of that, you didn't end up sending that letter in to the search committee, did you?
Me: No. I threw it away.
Mom: Good girl, so you aren't an idiot after all.
Me: Gee, thanks. Ironically, someone else sent a letter to the search committee about the evil slag. He was telling me about it and acting like it was the smartest thing he'd ever done.
Mom: .:sigh:. Well, at least it wasn't you. When the shit hits the fan, hopefully, you won't get hit.
Me: I'll have a plastic sheet covering me, like the audience at a Gallager show.
Mom: Who?
Me: You know, Gallager. The comedian who smashes melons and stuff at his shows.
Mom: I'm afraid I don't know who that is.
Me: Gods Mom, do you know anything?
Mom: .:sniff:. I know a lot of things. I have advanced college degrees. Just because I don't know about a man who smashes produce for laughs does not make me inferior.
Me: Indeed. Quick, who were Peaches and Herb?
Mom: Huh? Is this some sort of cooking question?
Me: What about Sympathy for the Devil?
Mom: Now we're talking about religion? Are you taking your medication?
Me: Of course! Now, tell me what you know about Blondie?
Mom: What, the comic strip?
Me: Ha! You know nothing! Peaches and Herb were a R&B duo who recorded a string of hits in the '60s and '70s and early '80s. They sang 'Reunited' and 'Shake Your Groove Thing', among other things. 'Sympathy for the Devil' was a song by the Rolling Stones and Blondie was an '80s new wave/punk group fronted by Debroah Harry, who, incidentally, introduced rap music to the mainstream with her song 'Rapture'.
Mom: So? Can you tell me what pi is?
Me: Er...a pastry crust filled with fruit?
Mom: .:sigh:. Darling, I don't even want to think about how much your father and I spent on your college education.
Me: Bah!
I taste like nothing, except a tomato. I'm sometimes sweet and sometimes tart; sometimes juicy, sometimes crisp. The roles of a tomato are many and varied. I am an exception to all the rules. What Flavour Are You? |