.:shakes fist at mother nature:.
Anywhoodles, I was annoyed today, mostly because of the crappy weather, but also because I really, really need to do laundry, but I'm inherently too lazy so I'm out of pants.
So, what's my cure for the blues? Writing nasty letters!
No, I'm not sending psychotic letters to celebrities or politicians. I did that in high school. To the politicians, anyway. No, I'm sending out bills to patrons who have absconded with library items. It's fun and oddly soothing.
I have a form letter that I've concocted that has a 98% return rate. I think it's because I mention the word imprisionment. Heh heh. Here's the letter:
March 16, 2004
Evil Patron
Evil Patron�s Lair
Uncharted Island, Atlantic Ocean
8675309
Dear Evil Patron:
The following library materials are assumed lost and the replacement cost has been billed to your account. Due to the large number of fines, your account has been suspended and you will not be able to check out items in any Mid-York Library System member library. If you return the items, your fines will be substantially reduced.
1. Item 1
due:
price:
2. Item 2
due:
price:
3. Item 3
due:
price:
TOTAL: $
Please return these items as soon as possible or pay the cost of replacement in full. This is your fourth and final notice.
NEW YORK STATE EDUCATION LAW, SECTION 265. DETENTION.
Whoever willfully detains any book, newspaper, magazine, pamphlet, manuscript or other property belonging to any public or incorporated library, reading-room, museum or other educational institutions, for thirty days after notice in writing to return the same, given after the expiration of the time by which the rules of such institutions, such article or other property may be kept, shall be punished by a fine of no less than one nor more than twenty-five dollars or by imprisonment in jail not exceeding six months, and said notice shall bear on its face a copy of this section.
The above statute authorizes prosecutions of persons who refuse to return public library property. We sincerely hope that we do not have to resort to such measures here, although we have the legal right to do so. We are sure that this letter is all that is needed in your case.
Sincerely,
Gem-chan
Bad Ass Head of Circulation,
Soon to be BAD ASS DIRECTOR
Tiny Library, Nowheresville
That's right, people. New York state law KICKS BUTT! Sadly, the library board won't let me actually prosecute to the full extent of the law, or I totally would. Killjoys.
Hmm. Do you think I need to get a hobby?
(C'mon people, I paid for the privilege of having this little comment thingie! Comment!)
3 people have told me to get a hobby.
