Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.


Bertrand Russell

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

It's a man....man!


2005-10-08 at 9:19 p.m.

In anticipation of my upcoming job interview, I went and bought a suit. It's a black pant suit and it's the only one I found that both fit me and didn't make me look entirely too much like a man. Oh, I still looked a little man-like, but not too much. Just a bit. Like Hillary Clinton.

I can't figure it out. I must be shaped funny because every blazer I tried on made me look mannish. Dammit. I called my mom from the dressing room of one of the stores I was in because I was annoyed (and apparently, when I'm annoyed, my mom immediately comes to mind)and I heard my father yell in the background, "Tell her to show a little skin! That'll fix it!" Ugh. Gross. My dad is turning into Jessica Simpson's dad.

No matter. I bought the least mannish suit and a sassy shirt to go with it. I will heed my father's gross advice and I'll kick it up a notch by putting on my push up bra and putting in my fake jelly boobs. Not because I'm going out trolling for a man, but because at least that way I won't look too much like a strident lesbian. Or, I'll at least look like a strident lesbian with boobs, which beats looking like a flat strident lesbian with a gut.

I'm taking my bag onto the plane with me because I'm changing planes in two cities and that always leads to lost luggage. I just hope the airline security people don't flag my jelly boobs as some sort of terrorist device, like plastique or some other flammable stuff because how embarassing would that be? Having some surly airport security drone pawing through my bag and then finding my jelly boobs with the built-in fake nipples...man, that would suck.

With my angry-gypsy-curse non-luck, they would probably take the boobs and detonate them. And then I'd be out $25.00. Dammit.

Anywayyyyy, that's my entry for today. Everyone keep your fingers crossed and let's all pray my boobs make it to Texas in one piece!



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