Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.


Bertrand Russell

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

Run away!


2006-01-28 at 3:42 p.m.

I wrote this yesterday at work, but since I can't post at work, I e-mailed it to myself. Sooo...without further ado...

I am the ringmaster of the the world's most dysfunctional circus.

And I don't even get a whip.

Or a taser. Hey, did you guys know that in New Mexico, if you want to get a taser you have to be licensed and, one of the requirements to getting licensed is that you yourself have to be tasered? I suppose I can kind of see the logic in it, I mean, if you know how it feels to be force-fed 1,000 volts and wet yourself, maybe you'd be less likely to use it except in dire circumstances. Like when someone pisses you off.

Hold on, someone at the delivery door....

Okay, I'm back. I'm the only one here right now because everyone else is at a luncheon, so I get to answer the delivery door. FYI- The UPS guy is hot. I was tempted to write my phone number after my signature, but I demurred because I remember how Moonspark's mom was always throwing Moonspark at the Schwann's delivery guy and how awkward that was. And all for, I am convinced, free cheesecake. Yes, Moonspark's mom would whore her out for cheesecake. Not that I blame her. Schwann's cheesecake is vair vair good.

What was I talking about? Oh...tasers. And whips, and, it all leads back full-circle-like to my initial statement which is that I'm the ringmaster in the world's most dysfunctional circus. Which I am. Only no one listens to me. Not the effing lion tamers or the tightrope walkers or even those bastard clowns. They all pretty much sod off and play with monkeys or something. I don't know where this analogy is going. What do the monkeys represent? And that little car full of clowns? Where does that fit in? Oh God, I've given myself a headache.

This all eventually leads to my point, which is sharp.

HAAAAA HAAAAA!

No, enough. Anyway, my point (hee) is that I feel like I've been given a task, which I fully intend to execute, but no one is paying attention to me or even trying to listen. They all want to continue to do their own thing and the heck with me and all my crazy common sense. Well, we'll see how far they get when I take away their purchasing cards and slash their budgets.

Oh, ignore me, will you? No toilet paper for you! Here are some discarded books and some National Geographics from 1964 someone donated. Have fun and don't forget to wash your hands, only since you no longer have a budget for soap, you'll just have to make your own from tallow, ash and lye. It'll be like Colonial Williamsburg, but without the funny costumes and sense of adventure. Also, there's no gift shop.

There I go again, torturing analogies. Someone should call Amnesty International and report me for my flagrant disregard for the Geneva Convention.

Well, I have a training that I've set up for library staff so they can be bored to tears while listening to some dude talk about why drugs are bad. (Mmmmm 'kay?) It's required by the city and I could be mean and make everyone take it on their own, but actually, that's more work for me, so I much prefer setting up a group training. Because I'm lazy. And also....no, mostly it's because I'm lazy.

So, anyway, I have to go make sure the guy shows up and that the room I've booked is open and ready and that everything goes as planned. Otherwise, I'll be even more vexed than I already am, which, after this morning's staff meeting, is pretty damned vexed. So that would make me...um...vexed-er. Which is probably as bad as it sounds.

Well, I'm off to crack the (metaphorical) whip at some clowns (not metaphorical). Have a nice day all and don't forget, somewhere, somehow, is someone waiting to piss me off.


< < last ... next > >


Find me...

E-mail
Notes
Registered!







My blogger code: b8 d+ t- k- s u- f i o+ x e- l+ c (decode it!)


The current mood of Gemchan at www.imood.com