Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.


Bertrand Russell

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

In Which I Bring Everyone Down


2003-09-10 at 11:12 p.m.

I am not the strong, stable person I like to pretend I am.

My mom called this evening to let me know that my Grandma is going in for heart surgery this Friday. She was originally scheduled to have it back in April, but things didn't go well and they postponed it.

She's getting an angioplasty. I suppose it's like liposuction for your arteries. They stick a big tube up one of your major arteries and clear out the clog. So maybe it's more like having a plumber snake out your clogged toilet. Hmm...what interesting analogies.

The success rate is about 90% and the doctors have assured us that it's a routine procedure and that everything will go well. Yeah, how many episodes of ER started with that same premise? Remember that one scene in 'City of Angels' with Meg Ryan? Routine surgery my ass. I'll wait until Grandma's out shingling the freakin' roof before I let out a sigh of relief.

Anyway, I'm a wreck. My entire family is extremely close-knit. When my aunt (my mother's younger sister) died of cancer six years ago, it really tore us all apart. We're just beginning to heal. Grandma still cries every Christmas when someone else brings the broccoli-rice-velveeta casserole that my aunt used to make. I don't know what we'd do if anything happened to my Grandma. She's our rock, our spiritual anchor. She makes this family work.

I'm terribly afraid. And what's worse is that I'm 2,000 miles away from my family. My mom at least has my brother and my dad to comfort her. My Grandpa has my uncle and my cousins and the rest of the extended family. I'm all alone up here with no one to worry with, which is why, I suppose, I'm writing out this journal entry. You guys will have to be my surrogate family right now.

My mom, by the way, is a bigger wreck than I am. But while I pour out my emotions to my cat and the computer, she cleans. According to my brother, you can see your reflection in the carpet. She's embarked on a campaign to (and I swear I am not making this up) polish all the leaves on all the houseplants with this leaf polish she got a while back. She's buffing plant leaves, people. My mom has problems.

I'm off to worry. If you've got any religion in you, I wouldn't say no to a little positive don't-kill-Gem's-grandma prayers being directed towards the Supreme Being, whoever you think he/she is. Thanks.

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