Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.


Bertrand Russell

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

Soo...


2004-02-19 at 1:40 a.m.

Mom: Soo...

Me: Soo...

Mom: Soo...

Me: Soo...

Mom: What?

Me: What?

Mom: Are you going to say anything interesting?

Me: Why do I have to be the one to think of things?

Mom: Because you called me.

Me: Well, uh, read any good books lately?

Mom: Lame. Try again.

Me: How's the weather?

Mom: I'll just depress you.

Me: Well, um, how's Big Al?

Mom: Insufferable, as usual. He's running around, feeling like a big shot lawyer now. But honestly, he still leaves his underwear on the floor and he still pitches a fit whenever I tell him to clean his room. 26 years old, and acts like he's 14. I swear. You're not moving back in are you? I thought I'd done my tour of duty and then Alex moves back in. If you do, too, then...I don't know, but I might go mad and bleach someone to death.

Me: Don't worry about that. I hate living with you.

Mom: Good.

Me: As for Al, who knows what's wrong with him? Maybe you dropped some acid and went clubbing in the '70s before he was born or and that affected his brain or something.

Mom: The only thing I clubbed in the '70s was your father.

Me: That's right. With a saucepan, right?

Mom: He thoroughly deserved it.

Me: So you say.



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