Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.


Bertrand Russell

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

Drunken semi-colons run amuck.


2004-04-20 at 2:24 a.m.

Argh. So, two end of semester papers and a powerpoint presentation all done in three days. I'm either a genius or insane. I'll let you know when I get my grades back. I'm betting money on insane.

I would tell you what the papers were about, but given the reaction I've gotten so far, I don't think it's a wise idea.

Surgeon General's Warning: Do not listen to Gem-chan talk library shop and operate heavy machinery.

It's kind of like the punchline to a really long, bad joke: you just keep smiling that pained smile and waiting for me to get to shut the hell up or get to the point: So then I said, Dublin CORE? I thought you said Dublin WHORE!!

(By the way, if you were a library science nerd, that would totally have cracked you up.)

Anyway, I'm shutting up now and moving to more entertaining pastures. You know, the ones with kegs of beer, Jagermeister shots and really, really drunk cows.

Speaking of kegs of beer and Jagermeister shots, this coming weekend is Spring Party weekend over at Brimstone University. Basically, it's a university-sponsored orgy of alcoholic excess not seen since the days of Caligula. I'm being nerdy again, aren't I? Sorry. I'll stop.

In theory, it's supposed to be an innocent time when students can frolick in the sun and enjoy carnival rides on the quad in order to blow off some steam before finals. In reality, everyone gets really, really drunk, throws up on whoever happens to be next to them and passes out on the quad.

I remember my freshman year, I had just gotten back to my dorm after doing my radio show (did you know I was a college radio DJ? 2-6 A.M., baby!) and I was hanging out on the window seat, watching the sun rise. One of the fraternities down the hill put on a funeral march, something really woeful with bagpipes and as the sun crested the hill, it spilled golden rays of light across scattered go cups, beer bongs, condom wrappers, ID bracelets, food wrappers and freshmen who didn't make it up the hill before passing out. It was an interesting sight. I may have cackled.

Tragically, I work during Spring Party weekend over at the Library of the Underworld. One of my thankless jobs is to direct the drunken students and visitors AWAY from the library bathrooms and to public bathrooms in the basement. It's been the policy ever since a drunk student got lost and ended up peeing in the reference section. It'll be a long, boring day with nothing to do. I'll bring some catalogs with me or something.

Oh, I'd like to share something with you before I bugger off and go watch some anime. A lesson on punctuation. This was one of my mother's favorite examples of the power of correct punctuation.

Observe:

A woman without her man is nothing.

Now, watch me as I wave my magic punctuation wand:

A woman: without her, man is nothing.

Wow! Punctuation has the power to enfranchise an entire gender! Viva punctuation!

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