*Except for that commercial with Jared and John Cena. I still think Jared likes the pastrami, if you know what I mean, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Subtle, subtle.
I appear to be emitting some sort of loser-phermone. It's the only why I can explain why a patron I call 'Lumberjack Dynamite' (he looks like Napoleon Dynamite, only 10 feet tall with dark hair and tiny shorts) spent twenty minutes staring at my boobs and asking about my tattoo - and trying to get me to tell him what my sign was.
I almost lost it when he wiggled his giant unibrow at me while explaining how a cancer sign looks like a '69' *wiggle*wiggle*wink*, but luckily, a patron came along who needed help so I could escape before I either threw a book at his giant wafro (white man's afro) or kicked him in the nuts that were dangerously close to coming out of his tiny shorts.
That same night, 'Crazy homeless guy who wants to have sex with 7 foot tall Mexican women and breed a race of super tall Mexican babies' (yes, that's his nickname), came in and, after I let him use the phone offered to buy me lots of sodas. Well, he said Cokes (in the South, all sodas are Cokes). I only pray he didn't mean coke, which is bad.
Since he's rarely that nice to anyone else, all of my co-workers have decided that he's my boyfriend now and tease me mercilessly. Combine him with Lumberjack Dynamite and it's like I'm some sort of loser Siren, luring all the crazy homeless and ungainly nutjobs to their deaths, dashed against the Circulation desk. Or something.
I don't like being a loser siren. Why can't I get the sexy guys to buy me soda and flirt with me while wearing outrageously tiny shorts? Why is it the losers who want to show me their tattoos in scary, hairy places?
Arrrgh!
Currents...
Currently Reading...
The last apocalypse: Europe at the year 1000 AD by James Reston, Jr.
I have abandoned smut for the moment and am amusing myself with Vikings.
Currently Hearing...
Candyman by Christina Aguilera
It's so cute and dirty! Plus, the video amuses me.
Currently Watching...
Second season of 'House'...don't tell me anything about the new season. I can only watch things in order and I can't see any of it until I finish the second season! Dammit!
Also, I'm dying to see '300' tomorrow. It's part of the 'sexy men with tiny little outfits and giant swords' phase that I'm currently going through. Also, I really, really, really like war movies.
