Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.


Bertrand Russell

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

Cue laugh track


2007-05-12 at 3:23 a.m.

Every once in a while, I get the feeling that I'm in some low-rent cable channel sitcom. I even find myself looking around for the cameras and audience. Like today, I actually found myself in a situation where I had to ask, "What do we do with the Mayor's beets?" That is not normal, surely.

The Mayor, our purely decorative head of government (the only thing that separates him from being a mannequin is the fact that he blinks), was in the Library this morning for something that apparently involved him bringing a grocery bag filled with fresh-from-the-farm beets. I don't know why. Anyway, he abandoned his beets in the meeting room, where they sat all day, thinking about what they've done with their empty, chlorophyll-filled lives.

Eventually someone noticed them, pointed and said, "Quoi?" Which, as you all know is French for "What the hell is up with these beets?" So, of course, I'm the one who was forced to investigate and, after discovering the origin of the beets, had to ask, "What do we do with the Mayor's beets?" with a completely straight face.

Suggestions ranged from throwing them at City Hall to cutting them up and leaving them in the Mayor's bed. (That last suggestion was mine). Eventually, we gave up and called the Mayor's secretary. The poor woman sounded aggrieved when we asked her, leaving me to suspect that the Mayor leaves his beets everywhere, all the time and that his secretary is constantly barraged with questions regarding the fate of nature's candy. She told us to throw them away.

Now, I could never be that wasteful when faced with a bag of nature's bounty, so I left them in the break room with a sign that reads "Your Tax Dollars at Work". Mwahahaaaa.

But seriously, I have to tell you that I never, ever, in my wildest dreams ever thought that I would one day stand in the lobby of a library, hoist up a bag of beets and say, "What do we do with the Mayor's beets?" Oh wait, you know, I did dream about it, but in the dream, I was naked.

Also, today we set up the braille printer and I amused myself for quite a while making it print out bad words. I know, I know, I'm a twelve year old boy. Only a twelve year old boy would find themselves near hysterics because they made a braille system translate and print "boob" and "shit". A twelve year old boy and me, a near 27-year old librarian. Yeesh.



Currents...

Currently Reading...

Virus X: Tracking the new killer plagues by Frank Ryan, MD
I'm on a deadly virus kick. So far, I've immersed myself in tales of ebola, anthrax, cholera, bubonic plague and hanta virus. Terrible party conversation, but potentially awesome pet names. "This is my cat, Ebola. Don't let her scratch you."

Currently Watching...

God, I've been morbid lately. Dr. G: Medical Examiner; Mystery Diagnosis

Currently Hearing...

MUSE, Starlight

Catchy.


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