My own brush with the mind-altering effects of desperation came today as I was browsing the wares offered up by the people of Fashion Bug, who, in their great wisdom, were offering a wonderful buy one item, get the next for $1.00 sale.
I tried on dozens of items and none of them fit right. I spent what seemed like an eternity in the dressing room, sweaty, confused and losing battles with zippers and oddly constructed blouses. After a long, fruitless search, I was beginning to feel the faint, insidious tendrils of desperation creep up on me.
I began seriously considering clothing that I normally wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. I grabbed things off the racks indiscriminately and ran to the dressing room, snarling and drooling. After all, it was buy one item, get the next for only a $1.00! I MUST BUY SOMETHING!
By the time I got to the one outfit that fit me without revealing to the world all my secrets, I was so rattled that I immediately bought the damn thing. When I wear it, I feel like...Sheena, queen of the Slutty Jungle.
Hold on, I'm going to toddle over to the Fashion Bug site and see if I can find it...ok, I'm back!
They don't have the shirt, but here's the skirt.
The shirt's the same pattern. I look like I've skinned two, maybe three cheetahs. All I'm saying is that those gazelles better watch out.
I think I may wear this outfit for sheer entertainment value. After all, what is more funny than watching the expressions people assume when they observe you wandering around clad in animal pelts and frilly ribbons? Just mincing around in the outfit tonight in the privacy of my own apartment, I almost hurt myself I was laughing so hard.
Of course, I'll have to explain it to everyone I meet so they don't simply assume I have horrendous taste in clothing. No, no! Merely a spectacular appreciation of the grotesque!
