Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.


Bertrand Russell

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

Dial M for Murder


2003-11-18 at 11:46 p.m.

My mom just sent me my ticket confirmation for Christmas. Attached was a .pdf document that said, among other things, this:

Accidental Death and Dismemberment (Air Common Carrier)

If you sustain an Injury (1) while as a passenger in, on, boarding or aligting from an air conveyance organized and licensed for the transportation of passengers for hire;

or (2) being struck or run down by an aircraft which results in death or loss of limb, eyesight, speech or hearing with 365 days of the date of the accident, the Insurer will pay the largest applicable amount as follows:

the benefit amount shown in the Schedule of Coverages for death, loss of speech and hearing in both ears, or loss of any combination of two hands, feet or eyes; one half the benefit amount for loss of any one of these and one-quarter the benefit amount for loss of thumb and index finger of the same hand.

Right. Really gives me faith in the airline industry. But what really disturbed me was when I read all the way to the bottom and discovered that my mom had taken out a $100,000.00 travel insurance policy on me, payable if any of the above listed things happened.

However, seeing as she and my dad would only get a 1/4 of that if I just lost a thumb and forefinger, it wouldn't be too surprising if I were to say, "accidentally" be pushed in front of an oncoming airplane, or if I were to "accidentally" walk into those spinning rotor blades on those Buddy Holly puddle jumpers I fly from La Guardia to Syracuse.

So, if you don't hear from me after Christmas, then most likely, I'll be in a couple of Zip-Lock bags and my parents will be in Arruba.

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