Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.


Bertrand Russell

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

En Fuego!


2004-07-08 at 3:05 a.m.

This whole camera phone thing is just getting out of hand. Mistress Chicken has sent me e-mails with pictures of her new house. Now, I love Mistress Chicken, she rocks hardcore. She was once run over by a golfcart, but by the saint's pecker, do I really need to see picture after picture of her new dining room table and bureau?

But she's cute. I want to huggle her. Plus, and I can't reiterate this enough, she's 23 and she owns her own home.

Conversations with her are almost as surreal as my conversations with my mom.

Speaking of mom, I had a rather surreal conversation with her trying to explain just what Jessica Simpson is. She was confused. "Does she sing? Is she an actress? What is this about buffalo?"

It was kind of hard to explain because my mom doesn't really know or understand who Britney Spears or 'NSync are, and I was trying to explain how Jessica Simpson is like a third-rate Britney Spears and her husband was in a boy band that was a third-rate 'NSync, so they are like C-level celebrities who managed to parlay their lameness into superstardom.

When I tried to explain 'NSync, my mom asked, "Are they like New Kids on the Block?" So, her pop culture index is about twelve or thirteen years out of date. She's probably still excited about 'Dances with Wolves' winning all those Oscars.

She also asked me to explain about "That J. Lo person." She doesn't really know much about Jennifer Lopez, but she's fully aware of Marc Anthony, (although for a brief time she was convinced that everyone was excited about the Roman emperor.)because she reads People: En Espanol to keep her Spanish squeak-free, and she really only cares about the articles involving hot latin men. Good old mom and her hot latin men.

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