Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.


Bertrand Russell

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

I've got a sword.


2003-10-31 at 2:00 p.m.

You know what I love about Halloween? I mean, besides the Frankenstein penis pill e-mails? I love that I get to wear a sword and a hook to work and no one bats an eye. Or maybe they are, but they're batting those eyes on my left side, which I can't see because I'm also wearing an eye patch.

That's right. I'm a pirate. Arr! Are you shocked? 'Cause you shouldn't be.

Anyway, so far, I've cut a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup in half with my sword, just for fun. I also made the "bad" half of the cup walk the plank. A plank that consisted of a ruler. And, instead of an ocean, it landed in my mouth. Take that delicious peanut butter candy! Ha!

Um, yeah. It's also very hard to type with a hook. Just FYI.

Speaking of Pirates, 'Pirates of the Caribbean' is coming out on DVD December 2nd. Except for me, 'cause I'm going to use my mad library connections and get that sucker a week early. BOOYA! It's supposed to be a 2 disc Special Collection. THAT MEANS 2 DISCS FULL OF ORLANDO AND JOHNNY! Oh man, they are going to have the hardest time getting me to come out of my room for that whole week. Damn. Heh.

Oh man, tomorrow I have to call that guy about the apartment he may or may not have rented. If he rented it, then I'm going to see about just staying in my current house. I can swing the rent and it would be oh so very convenient if I didn't have to move.

Also, I don't own any furniture, and as much as I'd love to shop Ikea until my legs fall off, I don't have much money, sooo...it really makes more sense to stay put. We'll see. I have to beg the church people to let me stay and just shut up the parts of the house I won't be using, like the formal parlor and the dining room. Man, that makes me sound like I live in a damn mansion.

I don't, you know. The only librarian I can think of living in a mansion is Laura Bush and we all know that bitch sold us out to her evil husband anyway. Grr. Don't get me started.

Think happy thoughts. Pirate-y thoughts. Ahhh. That's better.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

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