Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.


Bertrand Russell

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

Jon Stewart Is God and 6 Topics To Avoid


2004-06-22 at 1:19 a.m.

Oh my God, I am watching the Daily Show right now and I just want to wrestle Jon Stewart to the ground and plant big sloppy kisses all over him. The questions and points he brought up tonight in regards to the war and mismanagement of this country were so astute, so brilliant, so...so fucking AMAZING that I just don't know what to do but sit here and think about giving him a hand job.

Ahem.


Today, while I was at work, I was faced with a triumverante (sp?) of evil. First came a man wanting a copy of Ann Coulter's 'Treason'. My library being as open minded and fair as possible, we didn't have it...beacause some bastard Republican stole it. So, I had to request him a copy. Which was fine. I don't care. At least he's reading, right?

Then one of my elderly patrons came in and complained about how historians had switched from B.C. and A.D. and were now using B.C.E. and C.E. to be politically correct and he was upset because, apparently, the evil liberals were out to "make it seem as though there was no God or Jesus Christ!"

And then the Republican guy, who was checking out a Rush Limbaugh book, said, "It's all those damn liberals! They're ruining everything."

And THEN, my staff person got into the act and agreed with the elderly man and said that she didn't come from a monkey, she came from a higher being.

Naturally, this made my liberal blood boil and NATURALLY, as director, I could say nothing.

But I couldn't resist one thing. I very patiently explained that historians were moving away from a Western-Judeo-Christian concept of history to a more global one that reflected more than just white Christians and how the world relates to them, hence the change from Before Christ and After Christ (A.D.) to Before Common Era and Common Era.

Everyone looked at me funny. I should have just kept my mouth shut. Don't I know anything? Obviously the entire world revolves around the West and Christianity.

I did, however, pull aside my staff person and very gently reminded her of my 6 rules:

1. Don't talk politics

2. Don't talk religion

3. Don't talk about homosexuality

4. Don't talk about America or its superiority or lack of

5. Don't talk about race

6. Don't gossip

Basically, you can make small talk, you can chat about the village, books, the weather, etc., but avoid the 6 topics above otherwise trouble will come.

I have found that almost all people are good, decent people unless you bring up one of the 6 topics above, then a perfectly normal seeming person can become a fire breathing monster.

All of my closest friends are Republicans or come from Republican families (and one of them even has a dad in the KKK) and I get along with all of them and their families perfectly fine. Want to know why? I avoid the 6 topics. It works like a charm.

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