I mean, I occasionally mention my wish to cover Orlando Bloom with chocolate sauce and...*ahem* anyway, the point here is that I don't really ever talk about real guys, i.e. guys I can actually reach out and smack. I don't think I've mentioned any since the tragic "buddy" incident last spring.
So, in the interest of making everyone uncomfortable, this here entry will be a long, silly discussion on the opposite sex and stuff.
Real People Gem-chan has minor crushes on (i.e., I doubt I'd ever really jump their bones, but that doesn't mean I don't think about it):
1. My brother's best friend from high school. It's been ten years since I met him and developed a crush on him. He's the angsty artist type, living his life the way he wants to and I completely admire that. He's a drummer and guitarist and has spent a lot of time in bands in California, specifically around San Francisco. Nowadays, he's working as a free lance music producer in L.A. Completely cool, funny, smart and sweet guy. And very talented.
2. My brother's OTHER best friend from high school. My brother has a lot of cute friends. This one is wierd and hilarious to talk to. He spent a few years in the Peace Corps working with the poor and he's also so smart it almost hurts my brain to talk to him. He once made me snort soda up my nose with the line: "Sheep, I hate sheep." You had to be there. Tragically, he's getting married this summer. My brother is going to be one of his groomsmen. He and his fiancee are getting married at the New Jersey state aquarium. How cool is that?
3. One of my student workers. Oh, it's wrong...but he's so cute, I just want to put him in my pocket! An absolutely hilarious guy with a very dry and sarcastic sense of humor. Tonight at work, we all somehow ended up with Spice Girl names. I'm Schmergen Spice (Something to do with Wayne's World and the Swedish word for 'schwing', I don't understand, but hey, whatever), my other student worker ended up as Dumb Spice because she didn't believe spry was a real word and he was Aloof Spice, because, I guess he's aloff. Funny, smart and easy on the eyes, to boot.
Geez. Is that all? .:ponder:.
I guess so. I don't develop crushes very easily, just like I don't make friends very easily. I have very high standards. I have some very specific things I require in a person I like. Let me break them down for you since I enjoy making lists.
1. Guys I like have to be funny. Sense of humor is essential.
2. Guys I like have to be smart. They don't necessarily have to be able to quote Hegel or Wiggenstein on command or anything like that. And while I would like a guy who doesn't think the Boxer Rebellion was a Jean Claude van Damme movie, I do realize that there are different kinds of smart, so I'm flexible about my smartness.
3. Guys I like have to be a little eccentric. Call me crazy, but in general I tend to gravitate towards people who are a little left of center. I'm not talking about politics, I'm talking about personality. I like my men wierd. Medium wierd.
Do I want to get married? Have kids? Buy a mini-van?
Sort of. Kind of and NO!
I get squishy when I watch romantic movies and anime and when I read smutty romance books. Those are the times when I think: "Oh, I'd like to find that certain someone and get married." But you know, the rest of the time, I'm sort of ambivilent about it. I don't mind being alone. I may not wish to make it a life-long thing, but right now, I enjoy having complete control over the remote and such. But I guess I wouldn't rule it out.
As for kids, eh. I've done the mom thing with Baby J, so I can make my decision based on something a bit more substantial than the dreaded and irrational "biological clock". I know the truth behind babies. Yes, they're cute and all, but they're also a pain in the ass. They're expensive, they poop A LOT, being covered in vomit isn't fun and finding bottles full of solid ex-milk is kind of traumatizing.
But then again... they ARE really cute. And baby clothes! EEEK!
.:smashes biological clock with a mallet:. There, that's better. Anyway, kids: only if I'm in a strong, committed relationship, am financially secure and mentally prepared for the complete and utter mindfuck that is parenthood. Also, I don't like the idea of giving up my career for a kid, so I wouldn't mind a husband who'll do more than just come home from work every day and smile at the kid.
I think I've ruminated enough. I'm off to get a Diet Coke with Lime and kick the food vending machine because it doesn't work and it's taunting me with its big bags of Doritos.
