Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.


Bertrand Russell

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

Uh oh.


2003-11-14 at 12:35 p.m.

Okay. I just applied for a $3,000.00 loan from my bank. My credit is shoddy, but I wore a skirt and my lucky pirate underwear, so hopefully those two things will combine into a powerful good-mojo force that will obscure my bad credit and secure me the loan. 'Cause if I don't get it...very bad.

It turns out that my parents' concern for my future well being wasn't the only reason they're letting me handle this on my own. Turns out they're broke. Not too broke, but stretched thin, and they couldn't help me even if they wanted to. So, remove safety net, fly solo. Crap.

I've been laboring under the illusion that no matter how much I screw up, they'll be there to bail me out. Even when I wrote the entry about how they were letting me figure this out, I secretly was thinking, "Well, if I don't get the loan, they can still save me." Now I know they can't and I'm just about ready to run screaming through the village of Earlville. It should take me about 5 minutes, tops. I'm a nervous wreck. Pardon me while I go surrender the contents of my stomach.

I have been such a spoiled little princess. Jesus Mary and Joseph. I thought I was different than all those sinister bitches over at Colgate with their Abercrombie clothes, SUVs and cell phones. But I've been just as spoiled as them. Yeah, maybe I've worked, but I still depend on my parents for a lot. So much for my mythical independence. I may not live at home, but I might as well.

Adding to my meloncholy is the freakin' blizzard going on outside. Okay, it's not actually a blizzard, but I'm from the desert, so light rain showers and gentle snow falls are monsoons and blizzards to me. But there's still about 4 inches of snow on the ground.

Driving to work last night with the high winds and empty snow covered farm land was hideous. My sphincter was clenched so hard I thought it would fold into itself and form a black hole or something. Not a pleasant mental image, but this is what I think about when I'm crawling down the highway at 10 m.p.h. with zero visibility.

Back to my impending ulcer, I've tried to think of ways to make more money, but there's not much I can do. I already work 2 jobs, a 3rd one would probably kill me. So, my options at this point are to win the lottery, sell my kidney on e-Bay or become a woman of the night.

Can I interest anyone in a kidney or a handjob?

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