Usually when a person starts out an entry with: "And there I was, on all fours, grunting..." it's all kinky-like. Sadly, my life lacks quality kink, so when I say: "And there I was, on all fours, grunting..." it's because our network router thing died and I spend an hour crawling around on the floor of the computer lab, testing connections, playing with modem hook-ups and re-booting machines, all while talking to a tech person, who reminded me of a particular Saturday Night Live skit from the '90s: Imagine Adam Sandler and David Spade dressed up as Gap Sales Girls, solving all pant problems with: "Just cinch it."

This tech person and the 50 subsequent other tech people I was forced to talk to from the internet connection people, to the computer people to the network people, all asked me: "Have you tried turning it off and then turning it back on again?"

(*%$)*&#%*&@$)(!(!)($(*@$&( YES!

Dammit. That's the first damn thing I did. And the second and the third because that's how I solve all my computer problems. But when the on and off thing doesn't work, well, THAT'S WHEN I CALL TECH SUPPORT!!!

I know these people probably have to deal with morons all the time, you know, the people who just hadn't plugged in their computer yet, but I usually try to establish in the first five minutes of the conversation that I am not, in fact, a moron. Why don't they listen to me?

Ugh. So, after being shuttled from one entity to another ("Oh, that's not our problem, you need to talk to...")I finally got testy with the network people and said something to the effect of: "I don't care HOW it gets fixed, I just want YOU to fix it. That's what we pay you for. I don't have the time to solder motherboards or reinstall network cards or whatever it is you want me to do. I'm the only one here and that old lady wants her Jan Karon book NOW." I might have also growled and maybe my head spun around a few times.

Normally, I don't snap at people. I'm passive agressive. I steal their parking spaces and spit in their coffee. But when people are whining to me all day because they can't check their Hotmail or play Runescape AND I've got a damn library to run, tech people who give me the runaround invoke my ire.

So, they sent someone down with a new router and replaced the broken one. Took him about ten minutes. Possibly in a move to appease me, they sent a really hot tech guy. Watching him crawl around on the floor on all fours was cathartic.

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