But this whole wedding thing has really set me down a path of self-hatred like I've never had before. I hate myself for being weak, for having no will power, I hate myself every time I eat or think about food, it's just sucked the joy out of everything. I've started doing things I never did before, like bingeing (luckily, not purging), taking diet pills and hating my body.
I always used to be somewhat self-assured and comfortable in my own skin. I always used to compensate for the weight thing by being funny, by achieving in school, but now I feel like my weight defines me and it's becoming harder and harder to like myself.
I wish I had never agreed to be in this wedding. I wish my future sister-in-law hadn't chosen a dress that seems almost specifically designed to exacerbate all of my flaws, I wish I wasn't fat, but most of all, I wish I didn't give a shit.
P.S. Bikini waxing- hurts like a bitch.
Currents...
Currently Reading...
Torpedo Juice by Tim Dorsey
Currently Hearing...
The Darkness, Permission To Land
Currently Watching...
Eh, nothing much. Whatever drivel is on VH-1 and is NOT a reality show. Doesn't it seem like EVERYBODY and their mother has their own reality show these days? I need one. LIBRARIAN: BETWEEN THE COVERS
or something pithy like that. It could document my daily battles with...um, books. Wooo. Ratings bonanza!
