Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.


Bertrand Russell

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

My life in three tragic tales


2003-05-07 at 9:29 p.m.

Some things that have alternately traumatized/annoyed or made me sad...

1. Today, the class of 2005 hosted a study break in the lobby of the library. They had pizzas, subs, coffee, soda, etc. The thing is...food and beverages in uncovered cups are verboten in the library proper. So, guess who had to stand by the door and make sure people weren't coming in with pizza, subs, lidless coffee or soda cups (the class of 2005 forgot to provide lids, which makes me worry for the future)? That's right...me. People hated me. It was the dumbest thing. I believe that people actually felt like I was out to get them.

Hello? Library flunkie here. I don't make the rules, I just enforce them. And this seriously isn't like, say, Nazi Germany. We just don't want fucking bread crumbs attracting insects, who then eat the books, spilled soda ruining computer keyboards and pizza sauce smeared on books. I wasn't violating anyone's Constitutional rights, but you'd think I was, gauging from the reactions I got.

"Seriously? You're kidding, right?"

"No fucking way!"

"Whatever."

"That is so not fair!"

After a while, people began to treat me like a piece of furniture, throwing cups and garbage into the can by my side without even acknowledging my existence. Some people smiled or joked with me, but most people either thought I was THE SUPREME ASSHOLE or a statue.

Some people tried to wheedle or cajole. "Oh, come on, it's just a cup of soda!" , "Just pretend you didn't see it, ok?" And, after a while, I began to wonder, what makes them so fucking special? Why do the rules not apply to them? Are they like this all the time? What a pack of assholes.

While I began the evening in a relatively good mood, by the time the study break was over, I was annoyed and libel to make the guy with two cheetohs stand outside until he finished them.

2. The other day, I ran into this guy I know, and perhaps have a slight crush on. We were both waiting to use the ATM. When he was done, he turned to me, punched me lightly in the arm and said, "Later, buddy!"

Buddy? WTF? And the killer was, I WAS LOOKING TOTALLY CUTE that day, too. I was wearing my little capris with my trendy Dr. Scholl's platforms and a very cute shirt. My hair was naturally curly, but not a frizzy afro...I WAS TOTALLY HOT!

How the hell could he punch me on the arm and call me buddy like I was a fucking poker buddy or something? It was totally tragic. He was supposed to flirt with me or something. I've seen it, I know how it works, dammit.

3. One of my co-workers brought in a tray of chocolate covered strawberries. I went all Cookie Monster on it. (You know, psychotic. Coockoo for Cocoa Puffs) By the time I came back to myself, I was covered with chocolate and people were staring. But, dammit...chocolate covered strawberries...how can anyone expect to be calm around that?



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