Today I stayed with him for about 10 hours and I'm ashamed to admit that I was slightly relieved to leave him at the end of the evening. I've been spending the night at the hospital with him, mostly for my mother's peace of mind for the past couple of nights, and it's been emotionally draining to watch a man I've always considered brilliant struggle to remember things, act childish (more than usual) and say things that he would never had said before. I want my daddy back.
Now that he's at the rehab hospital, I don't have to stay with him and be forced to contemplate the awful possibility that he will never regain his sharp mind and that I will always have to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't take his clothes off in public or curse an innocent bystander.
It's easier to be optimistic if I'm not constantly being discouraged. The neurologist said he'd start to improve. Please, god, let him improve.
I'm going back to New York on Saturday, weather permitting. I've put my life on hold for almost three weeks and it's time to get back to my world.
Because I don't want to think...here's a list I stole from freshhell, who stole it from someone else:
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1) Margaret
2) Margs
3) Call me Queen! HAHAHAHAHAAA!
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD ::
1 ) paxil60 (named after my old antidepressants)
2) gemini523
3) gemchan-san
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF ::
1) My awesome modesty
2) My sense of humor
3) My curiosity
THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF ::
1) I have no willpower
2) My short attention span
3) I'm lazy
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE ::
1) Scottish
2) German
3) Mexican
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU ::
1) Ventriloquist dummies
2) Mortality
3) I'm livin' it, baby
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS ::
1) A book
2) Effexor
3) Something funny
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW ::
1) Jeans
2) Obnoxious Carebears t-shirt
3) Glasses
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (at the moment) ::
1) Keane
2) Beethoven
3) Guns n'Roses
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (at the moment)::
1) Symphony no. 9
2) Somewhere only we know
3) Rich Girl
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS ::
1) Self control
2) Sexiness
3) World peace
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP ::
1) Humor
2) Trust
3) Affection
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE ::
1) I met Bruce Campbell
2) I'm not wearing underwear
3) I hate seafood
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU ::
1) Tall (why? I don't know-probably because I'm short)
2) Strong shoulders and back
3) Nice smile
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO ::
1) Stay away from Ben and Jerry
2) Keep a secret
3) Drive stick
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES ::
1) Web page design
2) Reading
3) Writing
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW ::
1) Hee hee.
2) Pay off all my debts
3) Finish grad school
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING ::
1) Uh...librarian?
2) Wedding planner
3) Personal stylist
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION ::
1) Scotland-particularly the Heberdian (sp?) islands
2) Greece
3) France
THREE KID'S NAMES ::
1) Callum
2) Evelyn
3) Ophelia
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE ::
1) Write a book
2) Meet a celebrity and not embarass myself
3) Bitch slap long list of Republicans and conservatives that have pissed me off
THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY ::
1) I require complete domain over the remote control
2) I like dumb boy movies like 'Old School' and 'Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle'
3) I pretty much live in jeans
THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK ::
1) Shoes. Imelda Marcus BOWS TO ME!!!
2) I love doing my nails
3) I cry during Hallmark commercials
THREE CELEB CRUSHES ::
1) Orlando Bloom
2) Johnny Depp
3) Jon Stewart
