Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.


Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.


Bertrand Russell

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

Zombies for President!


2003-10-09 at 3:50 p.m.

It's an absolutely beautiful day outside and I'm in here. Tragic, anyone? We get Columbus day off (I know, a holiday for raping and pillaging)and I bet you my fourteen pairs of monkey socks that on Monday it will be snowing. Or a hurricane or something like that. Maybe frogs. Who knows. All *I* know is that there is a law written somewhere that specifically states that if I have the day off, it must be on the most horrid day of the year.

I'm not going to waste much time talking about California. Just watch me shake my head in amazement. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Shame on you, California. I thought you got the message with Reagan.

Personally, I have become a firm believer in the idea that we need to dig up Teddy Roosevelt, re-animate his corpse and run him for president. Seriously. Now there was a president. He talked softly AND he carried a big stick. He jumped on his horse and shot people for sport. Teddy Roosevelt ROCKED.

We can also dig up Eisenhower and run him as the VP, since he is turning out to be one of the greatest presidents of the 20th century. It's true. Go look at his record sometime. That man kicked ass. Who knew? I was a history major and I had no clue.

Ike was overshadowed by Kennedy, his successor (I don't trust Kennedys, never have. I mean, look at Maria Shriver! Traitor! JFK may applaud Arnold's ass-groping, but he's no fan of politics he espoused in order to win. Well, that's my theory, anyway. Maybe we should re-animate him, too, and ask.)as well as Johnson and Nixon, easily the two most reviled presidents we've ever had, not including Millard Fillmore, who, let's face it, was a bastard.*

Hmm. My mind has wandered. A wasp update is in order here. They're still there and still crunch under my feet at night as I stumble to the bathroom in the dark. Ick. You should see the inside of my vacuum bag. It's gross.

Apartment updates? No. Nothing going on around here. But, as they say, no news is good news, right? Right. Just let me cling to my illusions, will you?

In other news...

My mom is coming up to visit next Wednesday. ACK! Maybe, if I start cleaning the house now, it will be up to snuff by the time she gets here. Maybe. Remember kids, she's a cleaning NAZI.

My childhood was spent folding towels in precise, geometric squares, dusting off the tops of ceiling fans, bleaching the shit out of *everything* and cleaning up the Cheetoh fingerprints my dad left everywhere. No wonder I'm a slob today. I'm rebelling.

Thank god she's not staying with me. We're not the type of family that does that. We can afford (or at least my parents can) to stay in hotels and we do, at every opportunity. Believe me, many potential family flare-ups have been prevented by that.

I have a fun trip planned for us that takes us AWAY from my messy house and into hotels which are cleaned up by professionals. We're going to Cooperstown, NY. It's only about 45 minutes away and it's beautiful this time of year, what with all the trees turning and everything.

We're NOT, however, going to the Baseball Hall of Fame. We're girls for heaven's sake! We're going to the Fenimore Museum, where they're having a show on shoes (whee!)and we're going to Hyde Hall, the Otesaga and we're going up Herkimer way to ride on a boat for fifteen miles down the Erie Canal. I know. If it gets much more exciting, you'll blow a vein. Calm yourself.

*Okay, I actually have no evidence that Millard Fillmore was a bastard. I just never liked him because he was the President I could never remember on tests.



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